Mattress Rebranding, TV Style

One thing that Room & Board is really good about is making sure that we Design Associates are a part of the decision-making process. Very often, we are given several swatches of new fabrics that are going to be introduced and our opinions help decide which pieces of furniture will be covered in which fabric. Other times, we will see sketches of new furniture so we can offer our input about the design. Recently, I learned that our mattresses may be rebranded with possible new names in an effort to boost sales and create less confusion between innerspring and encased coil. Since my brain is a muddled mess of useless pop culture trivia, bad decisions and tequila, I immediately thought of the perfect solution for the new names of our mattresses. Why not name them after TV sitcom characters? It makes perfect sense because…okay, it makes no sense at all, but I still think it’s pretty genius. Allow me to introduce my suggestions for the new names of our mattresses:

  • Innerspring Firm is now called The Miss Jane Hathaway. Taking its moniker from The Beverly Hillbillies‘ no-nonsense secretary of Mr. Dryesdale, this mattress is the most basic of all of them, maybe a little bit plain but very, very efficient.

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  • Innerspring Plush is now called The Ginger Grant because it’s still pretty basic, but it gets dressed up with some extra padding making it slightly more glamorous but still attainable.
  • Encased Coil Firm is now called The Florida Evans. Named after Good Times’ matriarch, this mattress is firm, but with the encased coils it gives support just like Florida did when times were hard.
  • Encased Coil Plush is now called The Jan Brady. It’s not too firm, but not too plush; it falls right in the middle, just like the middle Brady girl.
  • Encased Coil Ultra Plush is now called The Blair Warner. Named after The Facts of Life’s resident snob, this mattress is ultra plush and ultra fancy, just like Blair.
  • Memory Foam Firm is now called The Diane Chambers. Just like Diane from Cheers, this mattress has the keen ability to adjust to its surroundings using its memory (foam) to its full potential.
  • Memory Foam Soft is now called The Edith Bunker. Another superior memory (foam) but with a soft spot for all things emotional, just like Archie’s dingbat.
  • Natural Latex is now called The Endora. Named after everyone’s favorite witchy mother-in-law from Bewitched because this mattress can be flipped from side to side, and like magic, the firmness can be changed.
  • Low Profile Mattress is now called The Laura Ingalls Wilder. This six-inch mattress gets its name from Little House on the Prairie’s braided and pig-tailed star, often referred to by her father as “Half Pint.”